The last thing I want is for somebody to hear me speak or read what I write on this blog (or Lord willing, in a future book) and my father be wounded by the surprise. So...I called Monday night to ask if we could meet for dinner sometime in the next couple of weeks. I have never done that...well, I have a weird memory of meeting him at a restaurant as I child but don't remember details.
Anyhow, he wondered if something was up. I told him it was not an emergency; I just wanted to chat in private. He said he would receive his work schedule on Tuesday (yesterday) and then let me know when we can do it.
The problem and my reason for needing prayers...See my father pretty much lives in denial. Honestly, I think to admit his errors would just be too painful and without Jesus, completely impossible. I don't want to do anything to hinder our relationship or turn him away from God. I want God to give me words that aren't accusing or even directed necessarily at him. I want to focus on my feelings, but mostly, on how God used everything to make me who I am. I want him to know that when I talk it is about my God who redeems everything. I also want to tell him my battle isn't against flesh and blood but that my be offensive...that's why it can't be about what I want to say. I need God to give me the words and shut my mouth when I should not speak.
So, my father is notorious for not keeping commitments...Please pray if it is the Lord's will that we should meet now that he will call back to schedule a time. Secondly, please pray for the whole situation...my words and his reaction...and maybe both of our hearts too. I am expecting....well, I don't know...trying to avoid the ugly thoughts...but I am hoping for the best.